


everything i lost was everything i never had

by yettheywereintrepid



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: AU, Aka I ignore all the information given to us, Angst, Backstory, Gen, bc this is a very specific imagining of Marius, including that this is supposed to be a mecha Backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25865038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yettheywereintrepid/pseuds/yettheywereintrepid
Summary: "After this I'll tell them. I'll tell them all"A Marius backstory, of sortsTitle is from Worse Storms by A.P. Clarke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	everything i lost was everything i never had

\---  
You are Byron von Raum, second child of Baroness Ediline von Raum. You have tutors, servants, whipping boys. You know none of these people; they are like the furniture or the walls, always present, but unimportant, just there for their usefulness. You are considered bright, but unfortunately also spoiled and vain, another mediocre wastrel from a minor noble family, relegated to a life of flippancy and drunkenness. No one takes much notice of you.  
\---  
You are Byron, and your best friend is your older brother Marius, who is everything you are not; driven, strategic, kind, and charming, often away in the capital doing business for your mother. People look at him, and they whisper to each other: "there's hope for the realm yet, if they give Marius a good position". Sometimes you look at him, and a confusing mix of envy and love gathers in your belly, constricts your lungs. But he is your only equal on your country estate, and so best friend he becomes. You would trust him with anything.  
\---  
You are Byron, and you come of age, and you are sent to the capital to study politics, with the hope of a seat in parliament one day. Instead, you trip and fall into psychology, spending days experimenting and reading, desperate to learn everything about how the human mind works- and how to twist it. Your mother isn't pleased at first, but she's glad you're doing something with your life except wasting her money on expensive brandy. You pass your initial exams with flying colours, starting your residency in an institution- and now people look at you, and admire your skill, and it feels like that's all you've ever wanted.  
Marius congratulates you, and you see the same envy in his eyes that taints your entire childhood.  
\---  
You are Byron, and there is a war, and your brother is dead, and you are broken.  
\---  
You are Byron von Raum, only child and assumed heir. Your residency is delayed, your skills used in gaining information, creatively and painfully. You feel nothing but glee as you take your brother's murderers apart- won't allow yourself to feel anything else, for fear of that all-consuming pain. You fall back on your old mask of flippancy, and steal your brother's charm for good measure. You are equal parts feared and respected, for your cruel, unceasing accuracy, and the perfect smile you wear through it all.  
\---  
You are Byron, and as your armies are pushed ever backwards, you are forced to fight.  
\---  
You are Byron, and your arm is gone. You are bleeding out alone, hidden behind the body of one of your comrades, a woman whose name you never even learned. Someone stands above you, holds out their hand to you, offers to save you, fix you. Of course, you accept- there is so much more work to do, so many more people to hurt for all they have done.  
\---  
You are Byron, and you spend a decade ripping information out of people for your commanding officers, and win them the war. You spend another century perfecting your work on the best method of inflicting extreme psychological pain, and along the way you learn that you do not age, and cannot die. Your mother passes, you pocket her title but do not use it yet. You trust no one.  
\---  
You are Byron Clairmont, and you leave your home, in search of more.  
\---  
You are Byron, and you have devoted multiple centuries to pain, and to study. You are a mercenary torturer of sorts, hiring yourself out to civilisations in need. You have great fun; and then you start to hear rumours of a group of people like you, a crew. What a stunning chance for long term study! It takes you a few decades to find them, but once there, you assume a happy go lucky persona, annoying, but ultimately harmless. They don't ask your name at first, don't even acknowledge you (except to push you back out of the airlock)- but eventually the archivist does, apparently for her logs. You tell her-  
\---  
-You are Baron Marius von Raum, only child of the late Ediline von Raum. The first mate mocks you for your fake title, and it is only too easy to laugh along, pretending his skepticism is correct: if they believe this is your lie, then they'll miss the rest of them.  
\---  
You are Marius, and you try to study this crew, try to use them, but you realise you can't, because by the time you've prepared your trials, your fake laughs have turned to real, and you can't help but grin at their antics. So you give up on the experiment, but you can't let yourself get closer than you already are, can't begin to trust them.  
\---  
You are Marius, and you trust them.  
\---  
You are (actual) Baron Marius Von Raum, and you can't tell them any of your story, because they're too attached to the lovable buffoon, to the nagging therapist, and if they see the lies you've woven they won't love you anymore. So you work hard to become all they want, all they expect. It's for the best anyway- you don't much like your real self anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this without any knowledge of the context:  
> 1\. I love you  
> 2\. I'm so sorry


End file.
